My emotions got the best of me

I think I will just start from Thursday and  work my way forward. I meantioned on Friday that I just didn't feel up to posting on Thursday. I woke up and was just not in the mood to do anything. I get blue here and there, especially when I do as much ot as I have been. Coming home to my chores knowing I only have a few days at home before turning around to go back to work just gets to me. The house never seems to stay clean, it always seems to be a mess when I come home. My husband picks up after himself but I just seem to find things I have to do. It just makes me sad. So most of Thursday I just tried to power through it and clean. I got most of it done and relaxed with my son some.

That afternoon Matt came home and we set off to town. He had a meeting and I need to go to the grocery store. His meeting was down the street from Fry's so it made sense to just go together. We had some time to kill so we stopped by the mall. This is where my day started to take a turn for the better. Matt knew I was down so he got a me an Orange Julius without me even asking. I love me some Orange Julius. I knew I could fit the calories into my day so it was all good. Then he had a coupon for the daycare at the mall so we dropped X off and went Lunar golfing. It's basically glow in the dark mini golf. It was so much fun.

My shoes at Lunar golf

Matt's hat. Go Kings Go!

By then it was time for Matt's meeting so I dropped him off and went to Fry's with X. He screamed the entire ride to the store because he didn't want to leave Matt. I was able to calm him down before we went in but he just kept throwing fit after fit in the store. Screaming at the top of his lungs. People stopped and stared. I use to wonder how kids could throw fits like that and why their parents didn't have control. It was so hard, I wanted to lay down and cry. X just wasn't happy with anything. Plus Matt's meeting went late and the ice cream I got him melted in my trunk. But I didn't binge once. I ended up with a deficit of 1330. I was proud I had made it so far with  my emotional eating.

I was wrong to think that I wouldn't even emotional eat again and life was quick to show me this. Friday morning was good. I built a tent with X and we went camping. I even made room in my calorie count for smores. I was having a good morning. Then my mom called. I've meantioned my parents are going through a nasty separation. They don't get along but want things to be friendly so they feel the need to get together for lunch and dinner. Just to fight and make things worse. Thursday morning they got togheter for breakfast, fought and my mom stormed out. She drove like a mad women and ended up getting into a crash. Her car is probably totalled but she seemed to be fine. Just a little sore. I was handling this ok. It stresses me out when they fight, I don't want to pick sides and just want them to leave well enough alone. It makes me angry that my mom keeps putting herself in these situations. In the last month she has driven under the influence, broken a lot of collectubles cutting her hand in the process and well you get the point. She has a lot to live for and needs to stop being so wreckless. I know it's easy for me to say, I'm not in her shoes. But I'm tired of it. So I let my emotions take control and made popcorn and drizzled butter on. I didn't eat much, I realized I wasn't enjoying it. But I ate more than I should have even after I realized it wasn't good.

Fast forward to Friday afternoon. I was getting ready to go to Matt's hockey game when my mom calls again. She tells me the same story and is talking about things that have already happened like months in the past, like a trip to New York. I immediatly get worried. She had complained of a headache earlier and said she threw up yesterday but that she had the flu. I didn't second guess her but now I was. It sounded like she had a concussion. Then my younger brother called saying mom was acting weird and he was worried. I sped over to my moms and forced her to go to the ER. I didn't want X to see all of this and luckily my grandmom showed up. I ended up going to Matt's game because I didn't have anyone to watch X. I drank a huge Starbucks and ate nasty fast food. Way more calories than I needed. I just didn't want to think and took what was easy.

I found out later that night my mom took a few too many sleeping pills. She says not to hurt herself, just to sleep a few days. I've been suggestion consuling just because she had been through so much. But she won't go. I was up most of the night and ended up staying with my mom to make she was ok.

Saturday my mom seemed better and admently denied even taking any pills. Which worries me even more because if what she told me the night before was true it wasn't a huge deal. Her denying it makes it seem like there was more to it. I spent most of the day with her, she had to grocery shop and run some errands. I didn't want her driving because she was still dizzy so I drove her. She felt bad and tries to make things up by getting me things. So she got me a starbucks and pizza. I didn't want to upset her by saying no. I know I'm going to have to someday, I just didn't feel like yesterday was the day. After that I took her up to my grandmoms to spend time with her. Plus Matt and I are weeding her yard. I spend three hours doing that so hopefully it burned off the calories. I was charging my bugg so I don't know for sure. All I had to eat for the rest of the day was another smore, just to try and get rid of the rest before I come home Tuesday night.


Sorry this is such a blah long post. I wish I had done better Friday at least. Life is going to be hard sometimes and I can't just eat like crap when it is I have to make good choices and think about why I'm eating this or that. I'm definetly a work in progress and I am ok with that

Thought I'd try and cheer this up a bit with a pretty sunset picture...did it work?!

Anyone have any tricks for emotional eating?

Weigh in- 8/23

I wasn't feeling up to posting yesterday so there might just be two posts in my future...we shall see. Anyways firsts things first Wednesday was another busy day at work. Thankfully because it was ot for me and I just did not feel like being there.

Deficit of 1128. I even got a little treat of some french fries. And my grocery list from the ads.

Here's this weeks weigh in - 176.6! Down 2.2 pounds from last week. I'm not sure how much of last week was water weight and such, but I feel very happy with this. I haven't weighed 176.6 in...years.

Exceeded my short term goal of loosing 1 pound a week. Still a little behind on my long term but I think I will be close to meeting it in the end.

  That's it for now. If I feel up to it I will post more later. It's been a little...emotional around here lately.

Busy but nice

Yesterday was a much busier day than the past few work days. I actually got to be on the floor instead of sitting. It was crazy in the morning, settled down around lunch just to get all crazy again at the end. A perfect work day, actually. I like it to go by fast. I like to run around but get a breather. Plus I burn more calories and I don't really get a choice in it ;).

Burned 2835!

Deficit of 1515. I don't like having such a high deficit but I just wasn't that hungry

For some reason this made me laugh, the only thing in a size extra small I will ever wear, even when I reach goal.

At work yesterday we had a patient that loves me. When this patient first came to the hospital a few years back they were not the nicest person and I had to sit with them a lot. This patient eventually became a much nicer person after their health issues got worked out. So every admission after that this person would apologize for being so mean, especially to me. And it was (and is) kinda sweet. It's nice to feel appreciated. Yesterday was this person's birthday so the kitchen made the patient a cake. Well actually they took a packaged Bundt cake and decorated it with fruit and whipped cream. I'm not big into sweets but Bundt cakes are amazing! Especially the red velvet. What's not amazing is the insane amount of calories in one little cake. Literally a days worth. So when this patient insisted I have a piece of their cake, I didn't want to say no.This patient wants to make up so badly how they treated me (totally not their fault, just fyi) and their whole family was there smiling and anxiously looking at me.  So I took a very tiny sliver and enjoyed every bit. Turns out I had nothing to worry about because I was way over my deficit. This whole moment made a busy day even nicer.

The cake before we dug in. I did get a blueberry and a few slivers of strawberry. How cute is this though?!

Cravings and emotions

Yesterday was a hard day for me. I was tired, didn't feel like moving as much as I should. I just felt off. So by the end of my shift I was really just looking forward to my dinner. Which I suddenly remembered was in the car. No way it survived the 104 degree heat. I was bummed. But I quickly remembered the treat I bought the other night. I went to get it from my bag at work and it was gone. My whole bag. Another girl has a similar bag and sure enough hers was there. I was upset but sent her a text and she said sh would bring it back today (which she did). But I wanted my treat now!

My latest obsession

I went to a few stores but these thing are hit and miss...nothing. I so badly just wanted to buy some mojos and chicken tenders. I knew that would blow my calories for the day, so I resisted and settled for a bagel and cream cheese. I am happy I didn't give in. But I really need to work on not letting food (or the lack thereof) control me. I didn't get one meal I wanted or on time; at least I got lunch and breakfast. Some people aren't that lucky and they don't cry about it. I need to be more grounded and realize its just food.

Burned 2137

Total deficit of 1172 and some races

More races

So I looked up some races just to see what was out there and to try and plan out my goals. I'm a little nervous to list them here but understand that this will all depend on how my first 5K goes. This is ambitious and challenging. I want to push myself but I also want to be safe. Anyways here's the breakdown

*October 6- 5K (3.1 Miles)
*November 10- 5K
*Dec 1- 5K
*Dec 15- 12K (7.5 Miles)
*Jan 20- 1/2 Marathon (13.1 Miles)

So it's out there. I'm going to do a little more research on if it's ok to run this much in this time frame or if that even matters. Money is also going to play in this some. Most of the races are under $50 which is good but they add up so I may have to cut some races and just run that mileage. I think this is a great way to work up to a half but I'm also naive when it comes to running in a lot of ways. When I use to run it was in school and we had meets every few weeks but the most I ran ran was 4 miles total in a few different races. I just did what my coach told me to and I did ok.

And a pretty sunset at work. I wish I knew why blogger messes with my pictures like this. The picture looks fine everywhere else. : /

(P.S. my phone is being silly with the pictures so I will fix them tomorrow, we are having a fantastic lightening storm and I would rather watch it as I fall asleep than mess with them. Sorry!)

Revelations

 I met my deficit like I thought I would yesterday. I'm not doing as well already today, I think it had to do with the lack of sleep I got last night. X just did not want to go to bed.I'm trying really hard to do things like march in place and stand but it doesn't seem to be having the same effect as it has in the past. I'm just being really careful with my calories and if I go over a little so be it. I've been over my deficit almost everyday this week.

I am in love with these things. I could probably make them for cheaper but oh well. Only 220 calories.

So I had a total deficit of 1300. And yes that is a book about marathons...

Burned 2480

 I've been thinking about how it is fairly easy for me to reach my deficit goals at work. It's not necessarily.  because I'm more active at work, these past few weeks I've been sitting so I am not really more active. It's not really a lack of temptation. We have a cafeteria, people are always sending us treats or we have a pot luck for something almost every week, it seems. I think what it really is, is that I plan out my meals every day. I mean I have choices for each day so it's not the same thing over and over. And I choose what I'm going to have based on how busy my day is. I don't really do that at home. Unless we're having something special for dinner. I think it would be helpful to me to plan it out. At the very least have dinner planned and organize my breakfast and lunches so I know how many calories are in each, then I can have an idea on what I have for snacks. Plus I won't panic and just eat something, which happens a lot. It's a lot of work, but I am sure it will be worth it. I will work on that throughout the week.

All the stuff I fit in my lunch bag, minus the whiskey. They frown on drinking at work for some reason.

Yep so that's everything for four days, minus my dinners cause they are in the car. Turkey for sandwiches, leftover chicken from dinner and when we went out, peaches, oranges, grapes and cantaloupe, sugar snap peas, broccoli, luna bars and bread for breakfasts and lunch.

Just Another Day

Our date night yesterday was fun. We went out to eat and then saw the Campaign. I think Matt summed it up pretty well by saying it was like Taligada nights, just with politics instead. I think Ted was funnier but then again I do have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy.

I overate a bit. We left about an hour late than we were planning, just a bunch of things happened and they all added up. I hadn't eaten much because I was planning on using most of my calories on lunch and having a small snack as dinner. As it was I didn't even need that. I ate about 1,400 calories for the whole day. I have no idea what I burned because my bugg didn't charge in time for me to wear it out. We ran around a lot trying to get ready, did some window shopping between the movie and linner. We also went grocery shopping so I feel confident that I at least burned more than I ate.

I would have felt better if I had got my run in but I didn't. Matt's computer wouldn't connect to the internet so I spent a grand total of three hours and thirty-six minutes on the phone between Alien Ware and my ISP. Of course each thought it was the others problem, despite the fact that all the other computers in the house could connect to the inyernet. We ended up having to wipe it and reinstall all the drivers. That was fun but at least it worked.

Today was the first of four days of work. It's always a long day and I seem to never feel full. I am confident that I met my deficit for the day. I sure hope so! Off to sleep I go, gotta get up in 8 hours and 10 minutes (the alarm on my phone tells me how much time until it goes off every time I set it. I have a love hate relationship with this feature) to start this craziness all over again.

Loooong day

Yesterday was such a long day. I started out and did my run much like the day before. I was able to do it two minutes faster though. I felt really winded at the end but happy. I just did mountains of laundry and cleaned which made for a boring day.

Every Friday night my husband is in a hockey game. I go most nights because it's far away and I like to watch. Last night was a late game, 8:30 but I went anyways. Our son fell asleep right before we got there and he did not want to wake up at all. So I spent the whole game in the car with him. Not really what I expected. I did my best not to snack in the car and was pretty successful. I did get a snack on the way home but figured I earned it. I was right because I met my deficit for the day. 

Just my food for the day, deficit of 1210

Burned 2660

Sorry today is so short. I have a date night with my husband tonight. I just hope to not over eat!